finally caught on.

It finally hit me hard: my middle school days are over.

I mean, it's not like I would take the time to walk through the doorway of every classroom just to commendate "THE LAST TIME I WILL EVER WALK THROUGH DOOR NUMBER WHAT THE FUCK."

To tell you the truth, it's kind of lame how I just realized that school was over seven days after the last day of school. This past week just felt like a prolonged Saturday. Or maybe even kind of like a spring break of sorts. I guess I'll be blogging and foruming more than ever now.

Actually, what I'm currently applying for isn't even a forum. It's roleplaying. I've actually never done it before, so I really don't know what it's like trying to write stories about a character that's already been made up by someone else. And the damn application just isn't going well, it takes too long to finish. I tried telling that to the person who made me sign up for the damn thing but seriously, it's too fucking hard to finish the application in time.

The roleplaying part isn't actually that hard, I mean, I bet I would have fun doing it if I tried, but the stupid application is just..... blargh.

Anyway, it's been summer since a week ago. Which means I probably won't even have anything to write about, except for maybe how tired I am every morning. Oh yeah, and the occasional swimming pool visit. I'm thinking maybe I'm going to sign up for a sport next year after I start conditioning myself over the summer at Lifetime. Now that I have no Gym period and I have this condition where if I don't eat I get really skinny and if I eat a lot I'll get fat really quickly, I decided to maybe change my eating habits or something.

Honestly, I'm getting so fat these days my skin is just flapping everywhere. I need to work out.

...Or maybe, instead of working out and getting all sweaty, I could just go on a diet. Actually, no, because I hate diets. I hate limiting how much I eat. It's better to eat all you want and go work out afterwards than to limit what you eat and start craving more later.

I wish there was a way of working out without sweating, but you know, that's what people say: "Sweating is the beauty of working out" or something like that. But God, if I could just find a way to lose fat without limiting my food or sweating, I would definintely go for it. Except things medication related. Oh, wait, I could just go swimming some more, maybe that would help.

I wonder if you can burn fat by riding roller coasters? :3

I FREAKING WANT A TREADMILL AT MY HOUSE. Currently, the only exercise equipment I have at my house is a pull up bar and this lever thing that you strap your ankles to and then flip backwards. (I don't even know how that helps, but hey, it works.)

If I really wanted to get serious about this conditioning thing, maybe the first thing I have to do is build stamina. Hell, no, I'm not going to go run like a fool outside in a hot pink training jumpsuit. Although, I hear it's healthier to run at night than in the morning. I could hide whatever colors I wear at night, but the air is so damn hot. I think that's why they said it was healthy, since it has all the air residue from the rest of the day. You breathe all kinds of air at once. God, that sounds gross.

There's something else that's been bothering me, too. Now that I'm going to high school, I don't know if I should change alibis or not. I didn't for the transition between elementary and middle school because a lot of people from elementary school already knew me by the name they gave me, so it would have been nearly impossible to change my name then.

Maybe the same goes for high school, but not a lot of people from my middle school are going to my high school since most of them have been transferred to the well-known asian-discriminating Thomas Jefferson High School. Whatever, man, I've already been to a TJ school, it's called TJ elementary.

Mmf, but if I had my way I would go to where the most people from my middle school are going, since a lot of my friends are going there and everybody says it's a great place for music. It's cool, you know, but they also say that this other high school has an awesome art teacher. I'm taking photography, though, so that hardly matters. And I've had my fair share of hypocritical and narcissist art teachers.

And I ran out of hobby ammo (crane paper), so maybe it's time I got started on that application...

I found this from a while ago, too: http://www.personaldna.com/report.php?k=EROWoXOsXkqNSVW-AD-ADAAA-29d0

I love this website. I kind of hate it, too.

today is such a perfect day, and nobody is going to puncture this happy balloon. :)

i played violin for old people today and despite the cheesiness or the lameness of it all, i quite enjoyed it. we got free food that the WW2 veterans got and some total PIG ate like 3 piled dishes of it. well i guess he's a growing boy? :/

but it was all the leftovers so i guess we were okay to eat as much as we wanted. i felt really bad taking food that was meant for them but hey, leftovers were for anyone who's left. (that was not intended)

퀸텟도 예쁜 곡을 많이 들어주니까 박수하는 사람들도 많았다. 하지만 그것보다 더 좋았던건 애들과 놀았던 시간이었다.  얘기를 많이 나누고 애들하고 좋은 시간을 보냈다. 탐하고 더 좋은 사이가 되었다면 좋겠지만 그건 내가 정하는거가 아니니까 모르겠다. 퀸텟 곡을 연주할 때마다 나는 탐밖게 못 봤다. 탐을 볼 수 있을때마다 나한테 완전 해피한 순간이다. ㅋ

퀸텟 다하고 각각 우리 반으로 가야됐다. 탐의 반은 내 반 바로 옆이라서 같이 걸어갔다. 우리 둘이 똑같히 반으로 가고싶지 않아서 천천히 걸었다. 얘기 좀 하고 나중에 내가 먼저 반으로 들어가면서 내가 일부러 웃으면서 바이바이를 했다. 탐은 아주 약간 놀랐다. 이번엔 재발 탐이 나를 친구로 봤으면 좋겠다.

하지만 퀸텟 안할 때 탐은 나랑 하나도 얘기를 안한다. 혹시 내가 우리학교에서 더 잘나가는 애가 아니라서 그럴 수도 모르겠다. 그래서 내년에 나는 내 성격을 좀 바꿔야돼겠다.

탐이 어느 고등학교로 가는지 모르겠지만 우리학교였으면 좋겠다. 그런데 왠지 아닌거 같다. 다음 퀸텟 연습이나 개학전날에 물어야겠다. 그리고 내가 이제 탐의 핸드폰 번호를 아니까 여름에 아마 문자를 보낼 수도 모르겠다. 제발 나를 있지 않았으면 좋겠다. 내가 좋아하는 타미.. 사랑해요~

i love how when you're writing a story/novel, in the beginning nobody's reading it except you. so you can write whatever story you want and there would be nobody there to criticize you. i'm having a lot of fun writing this story.

i've just come back to blogging because i was bored. i've noticed there's no point to my blog anymore, my life is just too boring. i guess most of my blogs could be read like a video on youtube or something (or maybe just a vlog) but this is just stupid.

i'm bored so i guess i'll talk about...something.

im writing this at around 6:00 AM because i took like a 4 hour nap yesterday and i stayed awake for at least 3 hours last night because i slept too much.

i hate how my keyboard makes so much noise around this time. its like my keys sound is being magnified to like a thousand times louder so the whole house could probably hear it. which isn't saying much, because my house is just a three story townhouse. i think you could fart in my house's 1st floor and people could hear it on my 3rd.

they say fart is an inappropriate word. i guess i'm supposed to call it flatulence since my school's English teacher hates it when we don't use big words and use little "inappropriate" words. i have no idea what she means by that. because if you look at my blog, there's so many things my English teacher would hate if she saw.

i dont really care, though, because like stories, i can write anything i want on my blog and nobody will care. except maybe the people who know me who find this blog and follow it.

it's kinda the reason why i made a completely new email for this blog. i just wanted some privacy, you know? but then i made a mistake by telling a person from my school that i was the person who commented on her blog a year ago.

a pretty stupid move on my part. i wanted privacy but i just ruined it myself. can't blame anyone now. but i know that person keeps secrets so i'm fine. i guess.

there are some things i can't tell anyone but my good friend in Maryland who i've been in touch with over email for at least 2 years. i love how she doesn't go to my school and nobody at hers know me, and we're best friends. so i can virtually lie to her and she would believe me. but who would like to the only friend you can talk to? i can act like a girl around her, she won't mind, she would think i was always like that. i love my best friend. i could talk about ANY of my problems, and she wouldn't judge me because i never judged her when she told me about her problems.

i just got a micro sd card on my phone. you have no idea how awesome that is to me, since the card didn't come with my phone like most other phones. it was optional. so now even though i don't have an ipod or anything, i can still listen to the music i like with my cell. i'm just so glad i downloaded real music onto my phone before the 3 hour trip to busch gardens last friday, because turns out my dad had already downloaded CCMs onto my phone. i don't like half of them because i don't like listening to 40 year old korean men singing. NOT music to MY ears.

someday i wish i would go to LA and meet famous people. i wish i took some martial arts class, because i seem like the only asian i know who doesn't take martial arts. i wish my parents would let my sign up for a soccer team. i wish i wasn't a pastor's kid. i guess sometimes i wish the right people from school would read my blog and not know who it was. i wish i had as many friends as everybody else at school.

or at least i do have friends, but i'm such a boring person that nobody talks about me. nobody talks about the seemingly quiet shy boring middle schooler who never does anything fun (or at least that's what they think).

blogging is fun, i can let off steam and feel pretty good about it because nobody's here to stop me or embarrass me or whatever. although i feel bad when i'm running my mouth and cursing my ass off. eh, whatever, habits go away a lot. i need to stop cursing i think i'm freaking some people out at school.

because who knew the quiet asian girl would have such a dirty mouth?

i guess i'm kinda weird, too, because there's some things that i do that a lot of people might think is really odd.

when i smile, i smile crookedly. one side of my mouth goes up first so i look like i'm showing a cocky smile. cocky and proud expressions don't look good on me, either.
sometimes when i'm spaced out, without knowing it, i stare at a person for 10 seconds.
i like manga/anime but hate the wannabe japanese.
i don't judge people but i'm sometimes racist.
i'm one person to some people and i'm another person to others. i don't have a personality because i act differently to every person. it's kind of the reason why i signed up for theatre arts; i wanted to observe the actions of other people. to gain more "data," i guess? :/
people who play instruments are pretty well known, i've heard. not at our school, because playing instruments isn't that special. everybody plays instruments here.
i talk to myself.
난 음악 곡을 못 읽는다. 하지만 거희 아무도 모르니까 상관 없다. 퀸텟 같이 하는 애들한테 그 사실을 알려줬으니까 그 애들이 내가 이상하다고 생각을 할 수도 있다. 아니면 잊어버렸어도 모르겠다.
i eat breakfast. nobody eats breakfast anymore. whatever happened to all the spongebob influences and the do you like waffles song?

great. now somebody else is awake and i have to stop blogging.