well.

short sentence, here we go:

despite the 200 million (3%) people from the world who said it will be, it did not happen.

oh, and i started writing a novel! *wicked smile*

today Rapture? totally bs.

all right, so i wanted to address something really debated these days, especially today, and it's involved with Harold Camping. yep, i'm talking about the infamous "prophecy" this "Bible scholar" is giving about the end of the world. if i could, i would submit writing or whatever to some published newspaper because apparently even the CHRISTIANS are believing this end of the world bullshit.

i'm not saying the end of the world isn't coming anytime, i'm just saying it's wrong for this Camping guy to guess what God is doing. because, i mean, come on, doesn't it say specifically in the Bible that people aren't supposed to know the day or the hour of this thing? or is this guy just so thickheaded that all he thinks about is the Bible and not the nature of which the people's belief of Jesus came from?

it's not wrong to read the Bible, but whatever happened to the end of the world being secretive? what happened to this guy's idea of believing what the Bible says about people not knowing the end of the world? because now i swear even if i have a really dirty tongue i want to live and die a Christian who READS the Bible.

i did think once that maybe there wouldn't be any demoninations of Christians if we just all read and believed and did what the Bible tells us to do instead of getting all argumental about the interpretations. i'm sorry, but i'm just a shallow minded girl who just wants to love God, end of story. i follow God because i'm grateful he already saved me.

so will we please stop worrying about the end of the world?

there's this girl i knew since the day she was born and i once thought she was a pretty good young Christian...until she started getting paranoid about this end of the world stuff. she had a Buzz post on Gmail that said, "The END is coming!!" and a Facebook post that said, "Spread the Word, spread the Word, because something's coming soon!"

thankfully, i got there just in time before she started going a bit overboard. i hope with all my heart she read my comments because i really don't want her to be all confused if the thing really isn't 6:00 PM today. i'm not sure, nobody's supposed to be sure, but if somebody's already guessed it's at 6 today then it probably isn't because again, according to the Bible, we're not supposed to know and it's supposed to come kinda like a thief in the middle of the night.

guys, we're not supposed to be guessing this. i haven't actually gotten started ranting on this blog post, and i've already written so much. but maybe the real reason i'm blogging about this issue is because i want to calm other people down, even if they're not reading my blog post. or maybe because i'm even doubting myself?

i'll admit, i may not be a typical "good Christian" or whatever they expect me, a pastor's kid, to be, but i'm terrified for the end of the world when i shouldn't be and my brain's going through mental chaos right now. the doctor even said yesterday that i'm going through a lot that's why i'm getting really bad migraines. apparently i've been stuffing crisises in the back of my head and it's all just exploded at once. so i guess i'm a bit mentally unstable?

this is bad, i've already gone through the borderline between my sanity and my other person and i didn't notice until now. sorry guys.

i've always had a split personality and i guess right now is my moment of truth, to decide who i really am, not because of the end of the world, but realizing how fragile my faith was when this apparent self defined Bible scholar used math to "prove" the date of the end of the world and i believed him.

it's stupid, but my parents were the one who pulled me back, and i couldn't do it on my own. i'm a fucking weakling, a damn retard. i think it's time for me to take my mental pills because now i'm going overboard.

believe in God and the Bible, guys, but i guess it's okay to have a crisis of doubt like this every once in a while because then you would actually see yourself for real again.

SOL blocks are SO annoying..

..and so is my "n" key. my n key isnt working to the point where i have to use the on screen keyboard to do all my typing things. i cant even curse online without it. actually, i hadnt even realized how much i need my n key to type everything. like i need it a LOT for all the words that end with -ing and all the words like "and." i have to click the mouse every five seconds!! grrrr... i am so annoyed almost to the point where i'm just going to stop blogging RIGHT NOW.

but im not, because today was almost the best day of my life. not really though?

today was the first SOL testing day at my school, and since these tests make everybody else get sorted into block periods, we had periods 1~3 for like 2 hours each. which was actually not that terrible, i mean, all my electives are in these periods and i'm taking my SOLs tomorrow. but what really sucked was that everybody has to have their gym period for like 2 hours. believe me, almost nobody liked that.

plus, it was raining right before we went outside, so the fields were covered in legit wet mud. actually since it was mostly open gym outside, it was like 2 hours of recess. i guess i should be glad that it wasn't sunny today; if i had to just stand outside doing nothing in that weather for 2 hours i would have had heatstroke or would have thrown a tantrum so violent it would have gotten me into boarding school.

but that's not really the point of this blog (although it probably already took a paragraph); i actually wanted to say something about my orchestra period today.

한글로 바꾸기..

오늘 오케스트라를 2시간쯤동안 했는데 그 2시간 중에서 1시간만 오케스트라를 했다. 왜냐하면 처음 1시간동안 우리 다섯명이 또 퀸텟 연습을 했다. 그 다섯명은

바이올린 1: 나
바이올린 2: 심 캐일라
비올라: 김효정
베이스: 티모씨 팔
첼로: 탐 팔리

꺄아아아아아악~! 난 또 탐하고 같히 퀸텟을 하다니! 그리고 선생님 몰래 우리 연습을 좀 일찍 끝내고 10분동안 얘기하고 놀고 까불었는데 너무 재밌었다~ ㅋ 그리고 탐하고 많이 얘기하고 사이가 좀 더 좋아졌으면 좋겠다. 그러면 좋아하는 마음도 못 알려주고 좋은 친구만이래도 됐으면 마음이 좀 편해지겠다. 그거 말고도 1000학을 막 접고있는데 방금 시작해서 5분만에 열한게 접었다.

그런데 왜 벌써 학교가 거희 끝났지? SOL 오늘 시작했고 8학년 댄스가 다가오고 방학은 1달만에 시작한다. 빨리 학 접어야겠다. ㅋ

탐에 집주소가 뭐지..?

i love how when you write in korean what you want to say comes it such short lines.

러브스토리~~ 좋아하는 남자가 생겼다!

어떤 애들이 이 블로그를 계속 읽고 있었다네.. 쩝..

애씨 귀찮아. 다른 사람들이 내 블러그를 본다니 쓰고싶은것을 못 쓰겠네.. 그래서 말야 이제부터 난 그냥 아무도 볼 쑤 없게 그냥 한글로 블로그를 써야징~ 거봐거봐 미국 애들이 못 읽잖아. ㅋ

아참 구글에서 영어로 바꿀 수 있잖아.. 아씨 진짜 이 사람들이..

그치만 계속 한글로만 쓰는건 넘 힘들어. 원래 재일 잘 쓰는 말은 영어인데말야.. 내 한국말 실력하고 영어 실력은 그렇게 다르지 않지만 (한글: 40% 영어: 60%) 내가 제일 싫은건 한글 타자지. 웬지 오늘 블로그를 원래 크기로 하면 너무 오래 걸릴거같애..

한글로 한 패이지 쓰는데 한 30 분 걸릴텐데.. 쩝..

하여튼 오늘은 좀 다른걸 대해서 쓸거야.

좋아하는 남자가 생겼어. 한글 이름은 모르겠는데 영어 이름은 탐 팔리. 한국애인데 미국 엄마 아빠랑 살더라. 성은 원래 서인데 그것도 바꾸니까 아마 부모가 없나봐.. 그치만 자기는 패북에 이름을 탐 팔리가 아니고 탐 서였더라. 그래서 한국애로 생각하나봐.

그래도 탐은 막 울고 그런애가 아닌데. 우리 학교에서 잘 나가는 애들중에 한 명이지. 작년하고 올해도 같이 오케스트라를 하고 한번 퀸텟도 해봤어. 우리 학교 오케스트라에서 첼로를 제일 잘하는 세 명 애들이 탐하고 조하고 에블린이지. (에블린은 여자라서 첼로에 예쁜 소리를 다 날 수 있어. 부러워..)

첼로 말고도 잘 하는건 많아. 탐은 진짜 우낀 애고 우리 나이 남자들처럼 행동하니까 거희 안 좋은 점도 없고. 나랑 짝을 못 하는 남자야.. 우리 학교에서 거희 아무도 모르는 애니깐.

나는 그냥 오케스트라에서 맨 앞에 앉아있는 바이올린. 안경 쓰고 공부는 잘하지도 않고 못하지도 않은 애. 옷 센스가 없는 애. 꾸짓꾸짓하게 생기는 애.

그레서 고등학교로 올라갈때 학교로 예쁜 옷도 입고 활짝 웃고 공부도 잘하고 인기가 많은 애가 돼려고 엄청 노력할거야. 내년애는 화이팅!

오늘 블로그는 좀 짧았네.. 이걸 쓰는데 한 20 분 걸렸어. 그치만 한글이 넘 좋아. Capital Letters 같은거 신경 안 써도 돼잖아. ㅎ

한글 사전 한 번도 안 썼징~ 근데 이러다가 한국으로 이사갔다가 큰일나겠네.. 한국에 인터내셔널 학교 투이션이 비싸던데..

암튼 내가 좋아하는 블로그에 가끔마다 한글로 쓰면 많이 늘겠지? ㅋㅋ 코리아 히어 아이 컴!

(이건 좀 랜덤하지만 매플스토리를 다운 받을까 라태일을 다운  할까? 음..)

no, i'm not a mother, but i'm hurt...

this is really retarded. its really not like me to blog in the morning but today i felt like i had to cuz what greeted me in the morning when i woke up is not the best experience of my life.

last night my siblings and i decided to sleep on the floor of the living room. we've been doing this for a while every weekend so it wasn't anything different. we just wanted to sleep all together in the same room. so we got our sleeping bags and our pillows and blankets and we all went to sleep

when i woke up, my bro was playing his DS under his blanket cuz our parents were still sleeping and my sis was just laying down staring at nothing. when my bro saw me up he said hey and we just stayed there doing nothing for the next maybe 10~15 minutes.

then my bro started bothering me to get up. no, not the little boy type of waking me up, like shaking me in my sleep trying to get me up, he just stood there and started telling me to get up. i was all, "what, our parents aren't even awake and it's not even time to go anywhere yet. why get up now?"

he said he wanted to play monopoly with me, and i said if he wanted to i would play with him. then he told me to get the monopoly box. i was all, "excuse me? you're the one who wanted to play monopoly now you're telling me to go get the monopoly box?" i wasn't angry or anything, i swear.

then my bro started to threaten me with lame threats like, "if you don't play monopoly with me, i won't play with our little sis then she would be bothering YOU to play with her." like i'm stupid. my sis is already going back to sleep. i told him this doesn't make any sense that i would get something that he came up with in the first place so he had a mental cow. and i could see it.

he went back and lied down, but about 5 minutes later, he went to get the box himself now he's playing on his own.

cuz you see, something went wrong in my brother the past couple of days. he's 12 now and that means he's a preteen. which goes on to mean he'll be hitting the emotional stage any day now. he's on his way, i'm sure of that at least. he's already started to become angry at everything.

but this isn't like the little brother i used to know. the whole time while he was telling me to play monopoly, i tried not to hit my angry button since i knew the last thing my bro needed right now was somebody being bossy TO him. which doesn't make sense, i know, but i know my brother well and he knows it. we even thought we had like a telepathy thing going on between us. once, that was a good thing.

...now i'm regretting knowing him so well back then cuz now i can see how much he's changed just because of growing up.

growing up is so cruel. cuz this is so bs how the little kids you used to know can be so rebellious when they get to that stage. i mean, my mom and dad haven't figured it out yet, but i can already tell my brother's going through whatever comes next.

i mean, i know my parents were the ones who raised my brother, but who's the one giving him help on his homework and playing with him and becoming the good older sibling? i'm the one who raised his potential. i raised him by playing the big brother and sister at the same time, as the older tomboy. once, we were tight. now we just hang out with each other whenever we have nobody else and it's our last resort.

please God, please tell me where i went wrong.