no, i'm not a mother, but i'm hurt...

this is really retarded. its really not like me to blog in the morning but today i felt like i had to cuz what greeted me in the morning when i woke up is not the best experience of my life.

last night my siblings and i decided to sleep on the floor of the living room. we've been doing this for a while every weekend so it wasn't anything different. we just wanted to sleep all together in the same room. so we got our sleeping bags and our pillows and blankets and we all went to sleep

when i woke up, my bro was playing his DS under his blanket cuz our parents were still sleeping and my sis was just laying down staring at nothing. when my bro saw me up he said hey and we just stayed there doing nothing for the next maybe 10~15 minutes.

then my bro started bothering me to get up. no, not the little boy type of waking me up, like shaking me in my sleep trying to get me up, he just stood there and started telling me to get up. i was all, "what, our parents aren't even awake and it's not even time to go anywhere yet. why get up now?"

he said he wanted to play monopoly with me, and i said if he wanted to i would play with him. then he told me to get the monopoly box. i was all, "excuse me? you're the one who wanted to play monopoly now you're telling me to go get the monopoly box?" i wasn't angry or anything, i swear.

then my bro started to threaten me with lame threats like, "if you don't play monopoly with me, i won't play with our little sis then she would be bothering YOU to play with her." like i'm stupid. my sis is already going back to sleep. i told him this doesn't make any sense that i would get something that he came up with in the first place so he had a mental cow. and i could see it.

he went back and lied down, but about 5 minutes later, he went to get the box himself now he's playing on his own.

cuz you see, something went wrong in my brother the past couple of days. he's 12 now and that means he's a preteen. which goes on to mean he'll be hitting the emotional stage any day now. he's on his way, i'm sure of that at least. he's already started to become angry at everything.

but this isn't like the little brother i used to know. the whole time while he was telling me to play monopoly, i tried not to hit my angry button since i knew the last thing my bro needed right now was somebody being bossy TO him. which doesn't make sense, i know, but i know my brother well and he knows it. we even thought we had like a telepathy thing going on between us. once, that was a good thing.

...now i'm regretting knowing him so well back then cuz now i can see how much he's changed just because of growing up.

growing up is so cruel. cuz this is so bs how the little kids you used to know can be so rebellious when they get to that stage. i mean, my mom and dad haven't figured it out yet, but i can already tell my brother's going through whatever comes next.

i mean, i know my parents were the ones who raised my brother, but who's the one giving him help on his homework and playing with him and becoming the good older sibling? i'm the one who raised his potential. i raised him by playing the big brother and sister at the same time, as the older tomboy. once, we were tight. now we just hang out with each other whenever we have nobody else and it's our last resort.

please God, please tell me where i went wrong.